This is Business!

Phone Harassment by a Small Fish in a Big Pond

Yesterday night a woman who had been trying to sell my wife a health tonic that cures everything since “snake oil” ruled the pharmaceutical roost. People should be more careful, as it is a crime to harass someone on the phone. She presented herself sounding half-drunk, or a medicated woman who doesn’t like to hear the word NO! She had been told that my wife wasn’t interested in buying into their MLM business a few days earlier.

Well, she called again last night and my daughter gave her the message that my wife couldn’t come to the phone right now, and she just repeated “this is arsewipe and I want to speak to (my wife)”. My daughter repeated that she couldn’t come to the phone. MLMster told her “what’s the matter don’t you understand, this is arsewipe”! My daughter immediately answered “don’t you understand the meaning of the word NO” and hung up. Problem solved right? Wrong! One minute into my briefing about this maniacal person hammering my wife with sales calls and emails, the phone rang again. I said “hello” and a woman sounding drugged or drunk said “is — there”?

I then politely asked “what is this in reference to”? Silence……..! “Who may I ask is calling please”? “This is arsewipe”, she drawled. I told her, “my wife doesn’t want to speak with you anymore”. Arsewipe was livid and someone (yours truly) was going to bear the brunt of her addled abusive manners. “Are you crazy? Are you retarded or something? This is business and you don’t say that! Are you retarded? This is business and you don’t say that!” I simply told her that I was sorry that it was business and that she was the one who was repeating herself and shouting on the phone, displaying “crazy behavior” not me. She hung up instantly. Stuck her like a rapier to the heart with the line about repeating herself about “this is business and my being retarded twice in a row”. Like shooting fish in a barrel. Too easy!

I asked my wife what is that crap they’re trying to sell you? “Supplements” she replied, and I went outside to get something from the car. When I came back in my wife and daughter said “there’s a message for you on the machine”. I clicked the answering machine playback and the bile of some post-pubescent punk trying to sound really scary (like my Rott’s farts) is growling “pick up the phone pussy, I know you’re there fucking pussy-ass, pick up the phone you fucking pussy..arrrrarrr”. What a tool!

Score one for the home team! Moron! I wish I would have had one of those cool voice changers that let you sound like a man, woman or a robot! There is a very cool one that has a host of background noises like dogs barking, doorbells ringing, and emergency sirens, to give you an instant excuse for blowing telemarketers and other obnoxious types off! It even combines the many background sounds with a voice changer as well if you want to have even more fun.

I told my wife before hitting the sack, I’m glad you didn’t buy any of that supplement juice that woman tried to sell you, it obviously isn’t working well for her or her trained chimp either. Just another day in the life.