Make Sure They’re Not Strapped

I was invited to play cards by an old college friend recently. It seemed like a great opportunity to re-acquaint myself with a couple of old chums who would also be attending. I assumed it would be your normal Friday night poker game with lots of suds, smoking, funny stories and horselaughs. He wrote the unit number of the condo owner, who was hosting the weekly game at his place, on the back of his business card which I promptly stuck in my wallet.

Friday came a few days later, so after showering and throwing on some fresh clothes, I jumped in my car and headed over the bridge to the card game. The parking lot for the condos was dimly lit and there were a “cluster” of cars to the left and down at the end. I swung the car around and headed that way. It turned out that all of the cars were in front of the last, of several buildings. I checked the building and saw that it was my destination. I parked the car and headed up the stairwell of the building and went to the third (and top) level. Reaching unit “3C”, I knocked on the door and was greeted by a burly dude wearing sunglasses and a suit?! He asked me who invited me, and nodded slightly as I mentioned my friend’s name, then – “OK sir, assume the position”. “What the hell is going on here”? I was told that I had to be “checked out” before I could enter. I was at first relieved to find out that I wasn’t being hauled into the police station for going to play cards, but a little befuddled by this large man’s cool behavior.

I looked over his shoulder a bit to see what I could, and my pal who had invited me, locked eyes with me at that moment and came up quickly. He told the man at the door “he’s with me, he’s my guest”. He was answered curtly by the door man who told him “then you must know the rules right”? He then told me to raise my arms to be “checked out” or he would not allow me to pass. Taking his word for it, and seeing the helpless expression on my buddy’s face, I just said “go ahead man”.

This guy whipped out a small, thin, black, plastic box that looked sort of like a pocket calculator. He swept it lightly over my body, pretty thoroughly then broke out in a big smile and said “welcome sir, please come in, we’re happy to have you with us tonight”. What a night to day scenario – one minute I didn’t know if I was going to be pitched off the balcony, and the next – I’m a VIP! Very cool….not!

Of course loving all gadgetry, I had to ask the door man to show me his little black box. He handed it to me and I was amazed. It was a “micro version” of a hand held metal scanner, like the large “paddle” types used in airports and courthouses, not some piece of junk. It was a Garrett Enforcer metal scanner, a respected company who supplies the best metal scanners made. It was very cool and when I questioned him about it, he simply told me that they liked “clean play and clean players”. The quip was lost on me. After chatting with my friend, who introduced me around to everyone (my other school friends didn’t show), I grabbed a can of Cola and sat in on some blackjack. While playing a few hands, I noticed that the players were all strangers to me, and I live in a pretty small town!

Paranoia started building about where I was, what I was doing and who the other players might be! Were they thugs, working guys, doctors, lawyers, cops – who knows? I had a bad case of the FEAR working inside me now and despite the cajoling of my pal and his card playing cronies, I split from that condo as fast as my soda was gone. I had broke a whole $50 bill into $5 chips, and while hastily checking out, I saw I had made a tidy $15 for my time and effort. I made the decision after wheeling out of that parking lot and that “horrible” card party, that my gambling days were at an official end. I stopped at a local burger joint and grabbed a sack of burgers for the family with my “ill-gotten gains” and came home to relax, and let my blood pressure drop about 20 points. My wife asked me if I enjoyed myself, and seeing my old chums. I told her about my episode and added, “with friends like that – who needs enemies”!