The Nigerian Invasion of the Internet

Welcome to the University of Nigeria!

I’m sure there isn’t a person wired into the world wide web that hasn’t received, the classic Nigerian scam email or one of it’s thousands of variants. As bad as any virus, these mass mailings clog our precious bandwidth, causing internet sites to load slower. They also have given us tighter and more restrictive filters from our ISPs, which is a nuisance and causes many legitimate business mailings to be rejected (bounced). Although the bane of the email box, I must admit a certain oddball penchant for the ridiculous and even moronic at times, that keeps me riveted to any new variation of the classic Nigerian inheritance scam.

I especially love the solid boldface, screaming mis-spelled sentences of gibberish at me. I love the overtones of “utmost secrecy” that bind my Nigerian grifter and me into keeping our multi-million dollar “no brainer” proposition totally secret, furthering my trust in him/her, while at the same time affording them less chance to be forewarned, as some idiots believe that these emails might be true!

On the “bleeding edge” of Academia in Nigeria is a fine University, that first came to my attention about 1 1/2 yrs. ago online, is the U of N! This institute has probably been training experts in the field of email marketing and eBay auctions for many yrs. longer than I have kept abreast of them though, and a darn fine job they’ve done indeed.

Some of the fine courses offered are:

~Fishing 100~

This course will teach you the skills and techniques of effective bait and switch programs.

~PhotoShop 200~

This course will teach you how to scan passports into PhotoShop, change the picture ID, and alter any written information using the smudge tool and type over effects.

~Ebay Buying Strategies 419~

How to make money, NOT by SELLING, but by BUYING. Yes, this program teaches you how to make instant money with each purchase you make on Ebay…..! Have you ever saw something on Ebay you wanted? Take this course and we will show you how to get it for free.

This is just a sampling of the huge offering of coursework at the U of N!

I have enjoyed posting about the site that I have linked to above, but it still can and does happen all over the world today. People believing in “get rich quick” schemes and being the victims of their own partners in these ridiculous scams. If you get popped by these folks or one of the variant schemes out there (we’re getting similar emails from England, South America and Spain most recently) then don’t cry too loud. “If it sounds too good to be true, then it must not be”! I tried to warn you!

I’m Being Stalked!

An emergency kit for a worried woman.

I don’t know who it is or how they picked me, but about 3 weeks ago I have been the target of stalking or harassment on the phone, at home, and at work. I have called the police and they took a scant report, but without any hard information, they have warned me to be careful, stay around a companion and the whole nine yards. I am still scared. I don’t want to wake up to some “crack addled” maniac straddling me in bed with a knife or worse. The caller was real active for about a 1 1/2 weeks and then tapered down….and I hope off! It is a frightening experience, trust me!

Today I decided to take action and be proactive in stopping this nut from bothering or even harming me. I have a two bedroom condo on the 5th floor. The bedrooms have one window each. I secured each with a Mace Window Alert alarm that goes off if the glass is broken or even shaken violently. The living room has sliding glass doors leading to a balcony. I figured fat chance of entry there, but I still installed a sliding door alarm that sounds off if the door is opened and breaks the magnetic barrier. For the front door I found and purchased a Mace Big Jammer door brace. This is a really stout item built from steel, and the door would literally have to be kicked off the hinges to make it open…these are very strong and slide right up under the doorknob.

Now feeling safer once inside, I wondered what I’d do if this stalker broke a window or got past one of the alarms. I would at least be awake and ready. I abhor firearms, but being so frightened makes one re-think certain positions. I decided to compromise and get the baddest stun gun I could find. I have it in the night stand and figured I could pull it under the covers and if this psycho approached, pull it out quickly and light him up like the Christmas tree at the White House. I chose the Stun Master 775K volt model, which I consider more humane than shooting a bullet into someone but at the same time, crapping their pants should suffice as a beginning.

I am having “caller ID” installed, and maybe getting a small recording device to record any further calls that he might make. Well, wish me luck ok?!! You make your own luck and I think I’m on my way to better luck. I must mention that I have slept better in the past few days since taking my security measures, than I have in weeks!

When Does Society Say Enough!

Inside the city limits of a neighboring town, there resides a young man who just recently was released from prison for gross sexual imposition involving a minor. After 1 month of life back at home with Mom and Dad he was taken into custody recently after an attempted rape of a retarded woman who stayed in an “assisted living” home. They met in their daily walkabouts though the small city.

The young man, aged 22 yrs old, was on probation for a previous sexual charge in a situation with a young Jr. High School student, and prior to that had been in boys reform school for aggressive criminal acts, including starting a local home on fire. He is no stranger to violence and other criminal activity. He is also alcoholic when able to get on probation and indulge in drinking again.

In this most recent assault, he had befriended a young retarded woman. They became fast friends and took late evening strolls to the local park and could be seen walking together in the late evening holding hands, walking along the road. On the night of the attempted rape and felonious assault, they had walked to a lonely spot at the back of a municipal parking lot. When he made his move for sexual relations, the girl resisted, and being drunk, the young man became enraged, taking a large stone from the edge of the parking lot and smashed her in the head several times.

The assault was witnessed by several residents in their yards and passing the parking lot on the sidewalk, who called 911 on their home and mobile phones. Eyewitness accounts say that the police arrived, then an ambulance arrived almost immediately on their heels. The police talked him into laying down with his hands behind his back, but when the officer attempted to cuff him, he went ballistic and started to fight the officer on the ground. Seeing his partner struggling brought up another officer quickly who sprayed his face with pepper spray to blind him. The man finally was cuffed and howling from the pepper spray, but still full of fight. When the officers tried to get him into the cruiser he made a well timed dash for freedom, but didn’t get 5 yds when one of the officers caught him by the shirt near his shoulder and in one swift move, unsheathed his telescopic steel baton, and gave him one quick stroke in the hamstring area of the leg and down he went for keeps. He was quickly bound at the feet with a “twisty tie” restraint and physically loaded into the cruiser.

The young woman was in a coma for several days, but luckily she came out of it and seems to have recuperated from the physical assault. The emotional shock may last a lifetime. This young man is by my count, in for life (three strikes and you’re out state) after this most recent assault. If not then he should be, or in another year or two he’ll be dumped back into our community again and the majority of the townsfolk will have never heard about him or forgot. He will hurt another woman I’m afraid, he seems compelled to destroy material objects and assault the weak and mentally incompetent. When will enough be enough for this man and many other anti-social types that the law prosecutes but also releases, sometimes without prior warning to neighbors (as a sexual predator). He should stay where he is and let the peace loving citizens of the city forget him forever!

This is Business!

Phone Harassment by a Small Fish in a Big Pond

Yesterday night a woman who had been trying to sell my wife a health tonic that cures everything since “snake oil” ruled the pharmaceutical roost. People should be more careful, as it is a crime to harass someone on the phone. She presented herself sounding half-drunk, or a medicated woman who doesn’t like to hear the word NO! She had been told that my wife wasn’t interested in buying into their MLM business a few days earlier.

Well, she called again last night and my daughter gave her the message that my wife couldn’t come to the phone right now, and she just repeated “this is arsewipe and I want to speak to (my wife)”. My daughter repeated that she couldn’t come to the phone. MLMster told her “what’s the matter don’t you understand, this is arsewipe”! My daughter immediately answered “don’t you understand the meaning of the word NO” and hung up. Problem solved right? Wrong! One minute into my briefing about this maniacal person hammering my wife with sales calls and emails, the phone rang again. I said “hello” and a woman sounding drugged or drunk said “is — there”?

I then politely asked “what is this in reference to”? Silence……..! “Who may I ask is calling please”? “This is arsewipe”, she drawled. I told her, “my wife doesn’t want to speak with you anymore”. Arsewipe was livid and someone (yours truly) was going to bear the brunt of her addled abusive manners. “Are you crazy? Are you retarded or something? This is business and you don’t say that! Are you retarded? This is business and you don’t say that!” I simply told her that I was sorry that it was business and that she was the one who was repeating herself and shouting on the phone, displaying “crazy behavior” not me. She hung up instantly. Stuck her like a rapier to the heart with the line about repeating herself about “this is business and my being retarded twice in a row”. Like shooting fish in a barrel. Too easy!

I asked my wife what is that crap they’re trying to sell you? “Supplements” she replied, and I went outside to get something from the car. When I came back in my wife and daughter said “there’s a message for you on the machine”. I clicked the answering machine playback and the bile of some post-pubescent punk trying to sound really scary (like my Rott’s farts) is growling “pick up the phone pussy, I know you’re there fucking pussy-ass, pick up the phone you fucking pussy..arrrrarrr”. What a tool!

Score one for the home team! Moron! I wish I would have had one of those cool voice changers that let you sound like a man, woman or a robot! There is a very cool one that has a host of background noises like dogs barking, doorbells ringing, and emergency sirens, to give you an instant excuse for blowing telemarketers and other obnoxious types off! It even combines the many background sounds with a voice changer as well if you want to have even more fun.

I told my wife before hitting the sack, I’m glad you didn’t buy any of that supplement juice that woman tried to sell you, it obviously isn’t working well for her or her trained chimp either. Just another day in the life.

Dogs Attack – Child Mauled

A young boy was “life flighted” by helicopter to a local Hospital Friday evening after four dogs attacked him near the end of his driveway. The boy was treated, and released Saturday to recuperate at home.

The boy received more than 300 stitches to repair damages to his arm, back, ankle and knee. Investigation of the attack, indicated that the child was partially drug across his driveway before being released by the dogs.

The youth’s father, said he was working around the house when the attack occurred. He stated that he had heard dogs fighting near his driveway and when he looked that way to investigate, he saw his son walking up the driveway towards the house bleeding profusely. As he got closer, he could see that he was covered in blood. The dog bites left gaping wounds and the right arm was severely damaged. The attack left large open wounds above the elbow. Authorities said his arm “looked like hamburger”.

Authorities and local residents are searching the area for a medium sized, dark colored, dog that the boy said led the unexpectedly vicious attack. “He jumped on me and knocked me down,” said the boy. “He was going after after my face but I lifted my arm up.”

Now this is a sad story concerning a very recent event in our country last month, where citizens claimed that law enforcement officials had not been enforcing the leash laws. They claimed that unleashed dogs, roaming at large, had been a problem in their area for nearly seven years!

What struck me were two things:

1. If you are raising small children in an area where dangerous canines are allowed to roam about freely, doesn’t it seem wise to “raise a fuss” with the local authorities? Barring any intervention on their part, isn’t seven years enough warning to let you know it’s time to elect new officials? I mean c’mon, with all respect to the poor child involved, his parents and complaining neighbors seem almost as much to blame as the people they’re pointing their fingers at! You can only change the system by participating in it.

2. That the father was too preoccupied with his project that he wasn’t able to render service to his son who escaped a brutal death, by a whisker. Forewarned is forearmed. Dad should have been in “visual range” of his son at all times and been close to a canister of EPA approved canine repellent or better yet, a stun baton, which are readily available and for a very small price I might add.

We can’t always trust that a trained animal handler, police officer, or dog warden will be around when this sort of thing happens. It’s always better to take care of your self defense needs (whatever they are) as your first measure, and count on the police as a secondary measure. This will ensure that you are ready to deal with the threat yourself, before help arrives.