Predator – Part ?
2007
Will The Real Aliens Please Stand Up?
For those readers, all 3 or 4 regular readers of my posts, who haven’t seen the “Predator” movies, starring Governor Arnold in part one and Danny Glover in part two, you might as well skip this post since it won’t make sense. I know…I know, they often don’t! “Got ya first!”
The movies in question are about aliens who zip across the galaxy to areas of turmoil (nice warm climates) are highly preferred since they got their asses handed to them in that “no name” – kinda lame – third movie, where they try to hunt other aliens in the Polar regions of Earth. It’s set up in a pyramid, deep below the ice and snow. This is their “original” gig where they supposedly set up “hunts” to battle “Aliens” – the slimy, unstoppable, mindless killing machines that we met in the “Aliens” series. Now this is a real reach for even the most avid sci-fi/horror movie buffs. The Predators (for lack of any specific term) get off on hunting and proving their bravery and prowess as hunters and warriors. You know the old Klingon thing – but on steroids – as a Klingon wouldn’t last 5 seconds against a Predator. Now the game they hunt, is normally men, which shows their inherent cowardice since due to their size and technology, hunting and killing men would be like you or I shooting sparrows and other common birds with a 10 gauge shotgun, while sitting in the lawn and facing the opposite way. No challenge – a joke! Arnold had to fight one of the buggers for over 2 hrs. in the original movie to finally clock him with a giant log deadfall – and that only wounded him enough to set off an auto-destruct “thing-a-ma-bomb” that he had strapped to his arm.
Ok, so they are really badasses while fighting a puny human right – BUT – they lose their badass “rep” in the prequel, when they hunt their original and ancient quarry – “Aliens” – you know the greasy, slimy, dome skulled, double mouthed, acid for blood, hyena toothed, crocodile tailed (w/armor plating), mind reading (via mental telepathy), “nasties”. Remember, the Aliens that deposit a crab-like critter on their victim’s mouth – only to find another full blown Alien exploding from their hosts’ chest/gut area, shortly after this crab thingy has impregnated them for use as hosts for their new baby aliens? Of course you do! So how do we “take down” an Alien or a Predator fast and keep them down? Easy my friends…read and learn!
The Alien has acid blood capable of melting steel girders so a gun (they work very well) is your ticket if you’re on or above a NON metallic surface. Catch one on the ground and any firearms of 7mm or higher with semi-jacketed hollow points would be serious medicine. I searched You Tube and found hundreds of kids, bums, old ladies and volunteer cops (it’s obvious in most clips they are either dim-witted or of the “I ate too many steroids for breakfast” types) get the crap Tasered out of them and though it worked in all cases, the flying darts would either bounce off their armor plating or worse yet – draw blood which would proceed to melt though everything in between it and dry land. So, no Tasers or guns (except under the right conditions).
I then ran the course of weapons from knives, PR24’s, grenade launchers, stun batons, telescopic steel batons, ninja spikes and shuriken. I did kind of like the old “piano string trip-wire” guaranteed to drop anything flat on it’s face that isn’t paying close attention (Aliens and Predators are found lacking in this area). Crossbows, and even blowguns were also ruled out. The paintball gun would be useful for blasting bursts of paint in their eyes as they try to shake off the bad spill they took from the “trip wire” and can’t be discounted. Temporary blindness would ensue giving you the opportunity to close on the buggers and finish them by first emptying a large canister of Mace Pepper Gel into their eyes, followed by the “planting” of a shrill, eardrum shattering blast of a 110 to 130 dB personal security alarm on or near them. Arnold demonstrated as did Sigourney Weaver that both critters are highly dependent on visual and auditory systems to be able to effectively function as dangerous beasties.
Take away the confidence – the trip wire is an excellent method for demoralizing and shaking them up. As they are throwing a righteous “fit” over being dumped on their arse, the Mace Pepper Gel will begin to work it’s painful magic on their vision while the eardrum breaking personal alarm should take them totally down and out. Something like the “mojo” trick that Austin Powers uses to destroy FemBots!
There you have it. Equip yourself with the proper tools and you can move mountains. Tell your crying kids not to be afraid of the dark any longer and read this post to them as a bedtime story, then let them interact with you – kids’ imaginations are unreal! If you let them contribute to these plans they’ll have so much fun thinking of new defense strategies, that they’ll forget their fears and go to bed smiling. Where do you think I go this material anyway? From sitting on the floor, next to a bunk-bed and brainstorming with two “scared of the dark” little guys! We had a blast and they were laughing and talking for about 1/2 hr. until sleep (not the boogie man) overtook them. Your mileage may vary!

Comment