Simple and Effective Self Defense

I got a call from a female college student who’d been having problems with a former boyfriend. She was to the point of becoming fearful, as she had never been around such scary behavior – directed toward her, by a young man. I asked her to share a few details if she would, to assist me in helping her out. Her story is a common one, sharing many of the same highlights as so many others I’ve heard. That’s what bothers me.

I have a daughter who will be going to college and living in a big city (we have lived in a rural area since she was born). I have lived in cities and suburban developments with lots of neighbors and of course, when the population increases in a defined area – witnessing or being the victim of violence also increases. For many of our youngsters, going away to school is their first foray into Urban settings where there aren’t any – or damn few safety nets to fall back on. My daughter won’t be sleeping soundly upstairs while Daddy, with our Rottweiler curled up nearby, keep watch over her, for the first time in her life. That’s a worry alright!

Back on topic – the girl I spoke to explained that her ex-boyfriend partied everyday and when he drank too much alcohol became very belligerent, loud and disposed toward violent outbursts. Since they had split up, it seems that he hasn’t got the news yet – at least not when he’s out drinking. “He calls me when he’s been drinking a lot and threatens to kill me if I don’t go back with him, or to kill anyone if I want to date them!” She said this was happening 2 or 3 times a week and after almost a month of this – she was becoming fearful of answering her own phone or go out on a date, if she should want to at some point. I felt that she was just plain scared of this young man and was exhausted from the constant anticipation of his next appearance. She had originally called about a voice changing machine and maybe something she could use if he attacked her.

First, I recommended that she contact anyone on campus that is remotely related with this sort of thing. I shared with her that she should start with her Student Services Advisor and get a list of numbers that she could call for both help and support. I told her that if she was my daughter I’d recommend a restraining order against this guy, immediately too! I told her to get her cell phone out and add the local police station’s phone number into her speed dial program and perhaps the Sheriff Dept. as well for now. I told her that I felt that a voice changer wouldn’t deter this man since he knew where she lived, her circle of friends, places to find her and where/when her classes were held.

She asked if I thought that she should buy a stun gun. I told her NO – except as a backup, since I think what would serve her best would be a canister of Mace with pepper spray, tear gas and UV marking dye for easy identification by the police. That covers a lot of bases! I cautioned her that using the stun gun first (or alone) would bring her into grappling range with an attacker in order to use it effectively.

She agreed that she would like to try and deter this man from a safer distance first – with any of a selection of fine Mace defense spray combinations – then if he persisted she would have a better chance with the stun gun after giving him a few shots in the face. The pain and the effects on his vision, might just impair him enough for her to either run away and call help, or stun the bejeepers out of him first – then proceed to call for help. She did promise to get the restraining order if he acted nasty “one more time”. I haven’t heard back from her so I hope the threat of legal action threw a bucket of ice water on her friend’s fiery temper. In any case, now she’s equipped a little better than when we spoke, to deal with her alcoholic ex-boyfriend if “push-comes-to-shove”.